10.22.09

You're sleeping peacefully and I'm up alone. Your Daddy had a going-away party to attend. I chose to stay home instead of trying to find someone to sit here while you slept.

I realize that I've shared so much about you in these pages but little about myself. Perhaps I should tell you more about me... about where I am in all of this. I'll try tonight.

Who am I? Good grief, that's a question I don't even know how to start answering. I am your Mom. I am your Daddy's wife. I am so much- so little. I used to love to sing. I still do but I'm realizing it's not a paid job... no big checks rolling in for the number of times I sing 'itzy-bitzy spider'. :)

I don't mind because its for you. But we're getting off the subject, tonight is about me. I'm passionate, when I believe in someone or something I'd fight almost to the death for them/it. Like you, I dared you to keep growing inside me but now I'd die the worst, most painful death to make sure you smile more days than you don't. But again, I digress...

I'm quick to be sharp tounged. I don't mean to be mean, it's just the way I ended up. I promise, I'll always take pause before I say hurtful things to you... I'm learning patience and to hold my tounge these days.

I am matter-of-fact. If you don't knock your eyes out bumping your head on something, don't expect a big show. You'll be fine. I'll kiss your boo-boos and hold your hand when your feelings get hurt but we'll move on.

I am loving. I can smother one with the amount of love I can have for them. I'm sure you'll feel the full effect of this. When I decide that it's alright to love someone. I LOVE them. I'm kind of an all-or-nothing girl.

This didn't turn out the way I'd hoped... I'll try harder in coming entries to let you know more of me, not just me with you. But the girl/woman I am individual of you.

I guess that's where I'm going wrong. I don't see you and I as separate yet. So all of the things I try to tell you about me are going to relate to you.

If I could keep you in my belly until you're grown I might try.... I just want you safe and happy.

Aah, I'm a bit of a mess over you, I suppose its allowed. :)
I love you Parker!
Mommy

10.21.09

We went to your first funeral today. They're not fun. I'm hoping you don't have to go to another one for a LONG time. You were, as usual, absolutely wonderful. You do so well in public. I'm so glad I made the decision to take you out a lot. You seem to be so in love with your Aunt Christi. She loves it. I do too. :)

Your crawling is slowly but surely improving and you're beginning to notice tables and act like you are trying to figure out how to pull up. Hopefully you won't be in a hurry to learn that new skill, we still need to do some baby-proofing.

 Going to the funeral today made me realize I don't want one. I don't want you to ever have to sit in some poorly decorated room filled with gaudy flower arrangements staring at my dead body. I want to be creamated. I want you to have a party to remember how much fun I was to have around. I don't want you to hurt. And I don't want someone who, probably, barely knows me spouting off about what a perfect person I was. Instead, tell stories about the time I whipped your butt in front of all your friends because you backtalked me and of how I never was a really great cook but you appreciated the effort...whatever. Just don't cry. I won't leave until you can handle it. I promise.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

10.20.09

Lots of things to cover tonight. I'll try to do them in the order they happened. One of your Great-Grandmothers passed away on Sunday. You had never met her. She is your Grandaddy's Mother. She had alzheimers for years. It is never good when someone dies but it was her time. We're going to her funeral in the morning.

You had your nine month check-up on Monday. You weigh 21 lbs 12 oz and are 28 and 3/4 inches long. You're getting so big! Dr. Wells says your verbal skills are a little ahead for your age... I could have told her that! :) We've developed a little problem ****left out purposely for Parker's privacy****

You are pretty consistently in twelve month clothes now. It has worked out perfectly because it has been unseasonably cool this fall and all your long sleeves and pants are the right size. Yay!

Today, you had your nine month pictures done. Ameila did them again, she's awesome. You made me sing for your smiles again! I think you like embarrassing me in public! :) Singing 'Mr. Sun' in a photography studio is nothing like singing for friends at a party! But as much as we listen to music and sing at home and in the car, I guess I shouldn't be surprised you'd want it in public too.

 We had a little mishap at the end of your pictures. You were sitting on some blocks and fell off. Oh my, how you cried. No real damage done, we all sort of tried to catch you. I think your Daddy broke most of your fall. It scared you pretty bad though. Lots of tears.

I think that's all for today.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

10.17.09

You've gone on yet another strike.... You're refusing to nap now. What the heck Parker?! You did so well switching from your bed for naps, you were even falling asleep more quickly! Now I'm lucky to get ab hour and a half out of you. That's down from three and sometimes three and a half hours. This is not good. You're cranky and whiny in the afternnoon but you just won't sleep.

I was just about to push your bedtime back and now I'm having to put you down earlier! We're going backward. :(

I'm planning on giving you more veggies at lunch tomorrow. You're taking your formula well again so I feel pretty comfortable giving you more for lunch. How about we make a trade, you sleep better and I'll give you more veggies?

Enough with my complaining, I love you and even on less than perfect days I'm happy to have you in my life.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

10.12.09

The time is passing so quickly these days! You'll be nine months old tomottow. I just can't believe it. You'll be out as long as you were in my belly. Strange... But good. :)

You're getting closer to crawling every day. You're getting around just fine with your rolling-inchworm-armycrawl but I can see the actual crawling on your hands and knees coming just any time now.

You still only have your bottom two teeth. I would have thought for sure you would have gotten at least one of your top teeth by now. I'm not worried, you'll get them all soon enough.

We took you to a pumpkin patch today. You got four pumpkins! You seemed to really like watching the animals and you loved the hayride. You are such a fun little guy! We got great pictures!

That's all for tonight!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

10.07.09

I was riding in my car this afternoon a little high on the changing of seasons. I was singing to my favorite Patty Griffin songs and I remembered a dream I used to have- to sing. When I sing I feel like my soul is free from all the worries and stresses of the day to day. I feel pure and whole. There was a time I 'thought' I was going to have the opportunity to do it as a job. A side job, once a week. But just the idea that I was good enough for someone to offer that to me was amazing.

I think about you and what I thought I could do and they aren't the same. In order for me to have you and be the mother I want to be, I can't sing as a job. And for a minute I was sad about it... Until I thought about what I have now. I have you. And when I think back to as early as I can remember wanting something, I wanted you. A child. My child.

So we'll sing together. You'll learn all the words to the songs I love and all the ones your Daddy loves and we'll all sing together.

I'll have the best of both worlds. Singing and my son. It will be perfect.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

10.05.09

So dairy didn't go as planned... On Friday you had some blood in your poop. :( So no more dairy for you for up to six months. Oh well, we tried.

You're working so hard on crawling! I think you'll get it soon. You're getting up on your knees a lot but you seem to want to tuck one arm under yourself.

You've been a little whiny the past two days and your top gums look a *little* different. Are we going to have some more teeth soon?

Your naps in your bed are going SO WELL! I'm rocking you completely to sleep before putting you in your bed, which is something we're going to have to work on. I want to get you acclimated to sleeping in your room first. It's progress and that makes me proud.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

10.01.09

So far dairy isn't upsetting your tummy... Hopefully things will stay that way.

You're still working on crawling. It's a slow process. All of the wriggling around you're doing trying to get it figured out is really adorable! I'm afraid you're going to have a short temper like me... You get frustrated easily.

Your little teeth are still working their way in. I got pictures of them yesterday! They turned out so well! YAY!

Naps in your bed are going EXTREMELY well. I'm having to rock you to sleep and then put you in your bed but you're staying asleep so that's GREAT!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

9.29.09

We had another great day today. You didn't take an afternoon nap but you were in a great mood anyway. I couldn't believe it!

Your little teeth are still working their way in. Your right one is really visible, your left one I have to still look for.

We're getting closer to crawling! I'm not sure how I  feel about it... I want you to but you're growing up so fast! You're going backward right now so forward isn't too far off. :)

We re-started dairy again today. I'm nervous. I don't want to hurt your little belly. Right after I fed you the yogurt you had a big poop. I don't know if it was because of the dairy or you just had to poo... We'll watch it really closely for the next couple of days.

 I love you Parker!
Mommy

9.27.09

Your other bottom tooth came in on Friday! I can see them both! They're really slow coming all the way in. I don't know if they're supposed to come in fast or not.

We did *pretty* good with naps in bed today. You took two, short ones. I'll take it!

You're trying to crawl more and more each day. You're getting up on your hands and knees and going backward. It's so cute! I can't wait to chase you around once you're moving forward!

I love you Parker!
Mommy