7.24.09

And again with the sleep- You've GOT to start napping in your bed. I was planning on starting it tomorrow. We've even talked about it. But now I'm second guessing myself. I love having you sleep on me. I so don't want to lose that. But the housework is piling up and I don't want to put you in front of the tv all day.

You go to sleep like a dream at bedtime. It's just the naps we still have to work on.

You're laughing so much more these days! It's the most beautiful sound in the world.

I'm so tired. Your Daddy scheduled a massage for me after your pictures on Sunday. I can't wait! He truly is the most wonderful man in the world.

I love you Parker!

Mommy

7.18.09

It's been too long since I sat down and wrote to you. I'm sorry. You're getting so big so quickly that by the end of the day I'm just beat!

Let's see, what are you up to lately? You're sitting up by yourself for minutes at a time. This is huge and wonderful. You're even able to play with toys while you're sitting up.

You're 'running your motor' constantly, consequently getting all of your clothes soaked with drool. I change your clothes multiple times a day. I gave up on bibs other than at mealtime a while back, you have plenty of clothes.

You're eating 2nd foods now. They are blends of fruits or veggies and they aren't pureed quite so much. You loved apples and strawberries- you ate that alone for breakfast today. You're eating oatmeal for breakfast with fruit, one or two veggies at lunch, and rice cereal with fruit for dinner. You're such a good eater!

You love rolling from your belly to your back. We're still working on back to belly. You'll get it in no time!

We're still working on getting you to sleep completely through the night, you generally are sleeping from 7 pm to 3 or 4 am. Your Daddy gets up with you and feeds you before he goes to work. He truly is wonderful.

We still have to get you napping in your bed. You don't even cry anymore at night (most nights). So we have to teach you that your bed is for daytime sleeping as well. I have a feeling that it might be a long and painful process like getting you to bed at night without crying... but we'll get through it. You are a smart and wonderful son, it will all make sense to you soon.

You still don't laugh a lot but you smile all the time so I'm okay just knowing that you're happy. But you'd better start laughing for me soon Buster! :)

I love you Parker!
Mommy

7.16.09

It's been over a week since I wrote last. I'm sorry. I mentioned before that I haven't been feeling well. We're trying to get it figured out, I went and saw a doctor today.

We had your six month check-up this morning. You weigh 19 pounds 4 ounces, you're 27 1/4 inches long. My big boy!

You're developing exactly like you should be and you're learning more every day.

I'll write more tomorrow!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

7.08.09

It's five minutes before my thirtieth birthday. I never thought I'd be where I am...

You are the most amazing dream come true. I'm so thankful to have you.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

7.06.09

We've had six nights in a row with no crying at bedtime! I can't believe it! I'm putting you down drowsy but awake and at seven instead of six thirty. I think we may have gotten it!

I have to figure out what to do about naps but we'll work that out eventually.

You are reaching out and grabbing things and even putting them to your mouth! You've gotten your pacifier in once and yo're rolling from your tummy to your back like a champ!

I'm so glad to be your Mom. I love it. On days when I feel like I can barely drag myself out of bed, you give me the strength to do it. I've been having a 'health issue' but I won't talk about it until I know more. But I've been having a lot of bad days lately. You make me want to feel better. I owe you all my good days lately!

I love you Parker!

Mommy

7.03.09

You've gone to bed with no crying the last two nights. I've been putting you down at seven rather than six thirty. I've also been tucking you in... maybe that's what you needed?

We're still changing where you nap on Sunday... no more sleeping on Mommy. You have to learn to nap on your own. It will be best for all of us. It doesn't mean that I love you less or that I don't want to hold you- I DO want to hold you while you sleep, its so relaxing and rewarding for me but this isn't about me. It's about you... teaching you good sleep habits.

Hopefully soon all of my entries here won't be about sleep!

You're rolling from your belly to your back SO WELL now! I'm so proud of you. You're eating like a little piggy and growing like a weed! You're grasping things and starting to figure out how to put your paci in your mouth on your own. That's going to take a little more work still but you'll get it soon.

You like to play with your feet. I'm sure in no time you'll have those in your mouth too.

You're outgrowing all your clothes so quickly- you're in a sice three diaper and you're wearing 6-9 month clothes! You still have ten days until you are six months! You're a big guy!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.28.09

I give up... You're just going to cry when I put you in bed. I'm just going to have to get used to it. :(

Something really awesome happened today- You laughed for your Daddy... a lot! It was so cute! He was excited because he'd never heard you laugh before. I have to say, I'm a little jealous. :)

You're getting really good at rolling over, you go from your belly to your back like a pro! Yay!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.25.09

It absolutely kills me how upset you get when I've been working. I've worked the last two days in a row and you cried SO hard tonight whe I put you down. I know you miss me, I miss you too but I have to work.

I love you so much. It breaks my heart to have you so upset. I feel just awful. I'm doing this for us, for all of us. I hope one day you understand.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.21.09

We're on day three of putting you down drowsy but awake. The first night you cried for eight minutes, the second you cried for almost a half hour, and tonight you haven't cried at all yet. Your Daddy and I are just waiting for you to wake up... it seems too good to be true!

We surprised Daddy at work- it's Father's Day and we took him a picture frame loaded up with pictures of you. He was excited.

I hope we're getting this sleep thing figured out.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.19.09

I put you down still awake tonight. You cried for eight minutes, had to be comforted once and you've been asleep for two and a half hours. The rest of the night might suck but at least you are learning to fall asleep on your own. I don't say this out of anything but love.

You passed your rattle from your right hand to your left twice this afternoon! This is SO HUGE! I'm so proud of you!

Apparently your kisses aren't just for me anymore. You've been kissing me for a couple of weeks now. You grab my neck and put your open mouth on my cheek- I love it! You kissed Mom (your Grandmama) once yesterday and you kissed Molly three times today at lunch!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.18.09

I am consumed with the desire to get you to sleep. I'm trying everything I know to do. You're still crying- you'll sleep for half and hour and wake up hysterical. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing everything wrong... I felt like we were making so much progress and we've hit a wall. I don't know what to do anymore. I promise we'll figure this out.

In happier news, you're in 6-9 month clothes, some 6 month stuff still fits. You're eating three meals of solid food a day- oatmeal and fruit in the morning, two veggies at lunch, and rice cereal and fruit at night- Plus all your normal bottles! You're my little piggy and I love it!

You can roll over in your changing pad from tummy to back. I just need to get you to do it on the floor...

You love practicing your 'b' sound, which results in a lot of slobber!

You seem to pick things up so quickly it's amazing! I'm constantly proud of you and what you're learning!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.15.09

I wonder when you'll go to bed every night without crying. I wonder when I'll be able to get you to nap in your bed. I feel like we're not getting something right.

It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm charting bedtime routine and how it goes and how often you're getting up at night starting tonight. I've got to figure out what is working and what isn't.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.09.09

You're doing so well at night here lately. Going down without crying and even sleeping all night some nights!

You're eating cereal and fruit twice a day and veggies for lunch. I haven't found a food yet that you don't like. I hope this continues when you start eating table foods.

You're rolling from tummy to back on your changing pad pretty regularly. You're not doing it anywhere else yet but we'll get there.

I'm still waiting on you to laugh regularly... I think it's coming soon though.

You've just recently found your feet and you love to watch your hands while you're taking a bottle.

This is such an exciting time! I can't believe you're almost five months old!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.06.09

I think you're really turning a corner- you went to be tonight with no crying! I think you're finally getting comfortable sleeping and going to sleep in your own bed! This is such a good thing! I'm so proud of you!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

6.04.09

It's hard to believe you're almost five months old. Getting you to three months seemed to take forever but it's flown since then... Bedtime is getting easier. I'm worried that tomorrow night is going to derail all of that but we'll manage. Jeffrey, your cousin, is graduating high school. He is your grandparents other grandson.

You are really starting to reach for things and bring them to your mouth. You are also starting to laught a little more. You've slept through the night a couple of times this week but you went to bed early tonight so I doubt you'll do it again tonight.

You're squealing a lot, especially for your Daddy, you really seem to save it for him. It's adorable.

I also think I'm starting to see a routine forming. I really hope so, again, it will probably get all messed up tomorrow.

I'm so excited to be your Mommy, I'm having so much fun with you. You are absolutely a dream come true.

One more thing- you rolled over on your own last night!

And another, you are in 6 month clothes now. You're getting so big!

I love you Parker!

Mommy

6.02.09

Things semm to be changing every day with you! You're moving from 3-6 month clothes into 6 month outfits. You're only four and a half months old!

You're still not laughing a lot but you've discovered that you can squeal. You do it most for your Daddy. You're practicing using different tones and volumes with your voice too. You've also learned how to fake cough. It's cute.

You finally reached your foot today. You've been staring at your feet for weeks but you finally grabbed it today.

You've been sleeping through the night for the last two nights. I'm not thinking it will be the end of the night feedings but it's a nice break!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.31.09

You're laughing more now... that's not saying you're laughing a lot, just more. We're still having problems with bedtime. I'm just trying to accept that you're going to cry but it's hard hearing you night after night.

You're eating lots of new foods- carrots, peas, bananas, and sweet potatoes. You're a great eater! :)

You stayed with your grandparents last night- you decided to be a night owl... up from 11 to 2 am! Good grief! You were a bit of a stinker to get down tonight but hopefully you're done waking up.

We met a new friend today! Jessica and her little boy, Finn. They're really nice and I hope to get to know them better!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.28.09

I've learned that I should just accept that you'll cry when I put you down... It's working- you've only cried one of the last three nights.

You're four and a half months old now. You're learning to play with toys and you spend all day interacting with me. It's amazing to watch you grow.

I love you so much. I find myself tearful at the silliest things these days. Your smile alone makes me cry some days.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.26.09

It's nine pm and you're still asleep! I just accepted today that you were just going to cry and you didn't AT ALL!

Now that I've written this, you'll be up a hundred times tonight... :)

I hope so much that we've finally gotten this bedtime thing figured out.

You're laughing more often but not all the time yet... Hopefully that will happen in the coming days.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.22.09

There are no moments anymore that are truly mine... It's a hard thing to adjust to. When I think you're asleep and I can finally relax- you wake up and cry. It's constantly a battle, the sleeping. Still. A lot of days I'm at my wits end. I have sores on my hands from washing your bottles and bowls and spoons once, sometimes twice, a day. Sometimes I'm just tired.

I hope that this doesn't make me a bad mother... I hope it doesn't. I'm afraid to say it anywhere but here. I don't want people to think that I don't love you or that I don't love you enough. I love you so much it takes my breath away sometimes. But sometimes, I'm just tired. But more than that, I love you.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.21.09

We've had your new bedtime routine for almost three weeks... In some ways I feel like it isn't working. It makes me feel like a bad mother. Like I'm not doing something right. You cry for 20 minutes or more almost every night. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It's really bothering me. I wish I could fix it.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.20.09

There are days that I wish you knew how to talk already. Today is one of them. You were SO fussy this afternoon! I put you in bed at six you were so upset! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.18.09

Today was a huge day!! You had your four month check-up and got some shots. Again, you were a champ. A little more fussy than at your two month but you still did great! You are now 25 inches tall- over two feet! And you weigh 16 pounds 5 ounces. You are getting so big! Also, you had your first vegetable today- carrots! You really seemed to like them. Your Daddy took some awesome pictures. You've been eating cereal for a couple of weeks but the veggies were a first today.

You continue to amaze me every day. I never knew that I'd so look forward to getting up every morning. You have absolutely changed my life. I want every day to be a better person so that I can teach you to be the best little boy and man that I can . I've never been so inspired in all my life. It is truly beautiful.
Your Dad doesn't write but that's okay- he feels the exact same way. I hope for you that one day you'll have the honor of being someone's father. Being a parent truly is an honor. Thank you for being born.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.15.09

You laughed for me yesterday... It was the most wonderful sound. I can't wait for you to do it all the time! You're being stubborn though! Again, like I always say, you're getting so big!

Being your Mom is both so rewarding and so thankless... when you have kids you'll understand. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

You have your four month check-up on Monday. I'm hoping you'll be the champ you were at your two month. I have lots of questions for Dr. Wells... like how do I get you to nap in your bed?

Naps are still a HUGE issue for you- you fight sleep until I basically strong arm you to sleep. Lots of rocking and butt-pats. :)

You're sleeping pretty well in your bed at night. No more crying for what seems like forever, but you wake more often before ten pm. We'll get it all figured out...

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.12.09

It's been too long since I've written last. You're still growing so fast it's unbelievable! You'll be four months old tomorrow. You're getting huge! You're cooing and smiling all the time. You're such a happy baby. You're a little demanding- you know what you want whether it's to be held or fed or anything else, you know how to let us know.

I'm so proud of you and the little boy you're becoming! I never knew that I could be so happy!

I love you Parker!

Mommy

5.04.09

This is your third night in your bed. You barely cried at all! Seriously, you cried for about two minutes. You got turned all crazy in your crib and had your feet hanging out and I think that's what upset you more than anything. There's a part of me that really misses having you in bed with me but I'm so proud of you!

That's about it for tonight, I'm beat!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

5.03.09

Last night went so well! After you fell asleep you only got up at your normal times and went right back down! I'm worried that tonight is going to be more difficult now that you know what's coming but I'm staying positive. :)

I, on the other hand, slept horribly. I think it was after midnight before I finally went to sleep... It's hard for me to not be right next to you and hear you breathing.

This is the best thing for all of us though and eventually we'll all adjust. Being a Mom is much harder emotionally than I ever thought. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm so proud of you!

I love you Parker!

Mommy

5.02.09

I told you in my last entry that I was going to do everything I could to keep you from crying yourself to sleep. After yesterday's visit to Dr. Wells because you refused to eat so that you wouldn't go to sleep the strategy had to change.

She, having 3 boys of her own and being a really awesome doctor so far, said that it's best to let you cry it out. You cried for just over 30 minutes. That was 3 hours ago. Now I can't sleep.

I'm writing this in the light from the tv so I don't wake you or your Daddy up.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

4.29.09

I love you. And I want you to sleep in your own bed. Saturday is the day. Please don't fight me.

I love you and I'm doing everything I can to keep you from crying-it-out but we can't have you sleeping with us anymore. Please work with me.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

4.27.09

It's definite, you're a talker... It is probably the most adorable thing I've ever seen! You've really found your voice!

You're not reaching as much as you were but I think that it's because you chose to talk first. You're getting so big. You're in 3-6 month clothes and your jammies are 6-9 month!

We're still working on your sleep. You pretty much refuse to nap, which is not good. You need to sleep so you can grow strong and big! We're working on some sleep-training things- probably things you'll remember- our word for bedtime or naptime is 'sleepy time' and I just started giving you a lovey called a snoedel (pronounced snoodle)- I'm hoping that 'noodle' stays with you for a long time to help you sleep. This weekend we're putting you back in your bed... I'm still a little upset with Daddy for bringing you back in here with us. But I'm also kind of glad, I know that you're safe with us.

This being a Mommy stuff is hard, trying to let you grow up and do things (like sleeping away from me) and watching you grow- It's all so amazing. It makes me both realize how crucial my decisions are and at the same time I realize not to sweat the small stuff...

I'm as new at this as you are. I know we'll get it all figured out. For right now, I'm just glad I get to be your Mommy.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

4.23.09

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. Things have been a little hairy with you lately. You're still not napping like you should and now you're back in our bed, not sleeping through the night. As soon as I can get your Daddy to read some stuff we're going to try some new things to help you sleep. Lets all hope they work, there's too many people in our bed!

You really started reaching for things today and Mom tells me you've been talking up a storm! I hate that I have to work and leave you like I do but at least you're with your Grandmama. She loves you at least as much as I do, if not more...

This weekend it's going to be just the two of us, Daddy is taking Stella (my dog) to live with your Grandpa Billy, that way I can focus just on you with no distractions.

That's all for today.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

4.18.09

4.13- Three months, moved to size two diaper
4.16- First laugh, at Mom & Dad's

4.12.09

I can't believe that tomorrow you'll be three months old. I know that I write that I can't believe this or that a lot. It's just crazy that you're changing and growing so much!

I think I've figured out the problens we've been having... I railed against 'scheduling' you from the moment you were born. It worked until now, I realized now that you're a little older you need a schedule. I also realized that you have sort of been running the show. Of course right now it's all about what you need or want but I wasn't giving you any structure. It really should have come to me before now, I need structure, why wouldn't you? Silly me.

So, I'm enforcing naptime which really seems to be helping. I'm putting you in your swing between eight and nine am and then again between two and three in the afternoon. Mow ew just have to get Daddy to stop putting you back in our bed at night.

He's really driving me crazy with that. He puts you in our bed then complains you won't sleep in yours. Good grief.

You're sleeping now so I should really get up and get some housework done...

I love you Parker!
Mommy

4.09.09

I can't believe that you're almost three months old. It's all going by so fast...

You slept all night last night, even if it was in our bed. Now, we have to work on getting you to do it in your bed.

Speaking of your bed, we've got to get you to take your naps in there... We have to get you to take naps period. I had no idea that a baby as young as you could fight sleep so. Trust me, in a couple of years, you're going to be begging for naps.

I'm afraid that it's going to be a process where there are a lot of tears shed, by both you and me.

We'll get it figured out though. I'm sure of it... I just hope I don't end up having to eat those words.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

4.06.09ave to

We've had some rough days lately. You've been crying a lot during the day. I can't figure out what's wrong. I promise I'm going to do everything to make you better. I just have to figure out what's wrong.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

4.03.09

You're getting so big it's hard to remember how tiny you were when you were born. I think you're over 14 pounds now which doesn't seem like a lot until you think about the fact you were only 7.7 1/2 when you were born.

So much has happened since I wrote last, we had your easter pictures made, we've been through two really bad storms...

I have to write this down so I don't ever forget it. It was one of those moments that made me absolutely positive that you were meant to be my little boy- It was during our first bad storm together, the weather man was calling for tornadoes which absolutely terrify me. I was walking around carrying you because I was too nervous to sit down. I was making you nervous too. I started to sing the sound I always sang to you while I was carrying you- 'Heavenly Day' and I sat down to sing to you. All of the sudden your eyes lit up as if to say, 'I know this song Mommy!' and you started to hum. It was amazing. I felt, at that moment, that you are my purpose in life. That I was created to be your Mother. I hope we never lose what we have right now. It's so pure and beautiful and easy. I love you more than I ever thought I could love and you let me love you, you love me in return.

No matter how I piss you off when you're older, know that I love you every moment of every day more than I could even begin to explain in these pages.

I love you Parker!
Mommy

3.24.09

I think you've gotten your first stomach bug. So far you're being a trooper. You did not like having your temperature taken but you were a big boy.

You're really smiling and talking a lot and you already know how to smile for cameras! You're so smart! We scheduled your three month pictures yesterday. Good grief you're growing fast!

Tomorrow is my first day back at work... I'm really nervous. Not just because you're a little under the weather but because other than one night Mom kept you overnight it will be the longest I've been away from you since you were born. I hope it goes well.

I love you Parker!

Mommy

3.20.09

Wow did you have a bad night last night. Your Daddy was up with you all night. You didn't want to sleep. We're hoping that tonight is better.

You learned how to stick out your tounge today. It was adorable! Your Grandmama taught you how. You even laughed a little. I can't wait until you laugh more, it's so adorable!

You're pretty consistently wearing three month clothes. I know it probably doesn't matter much to you but to me it's a sign of how quickly you're growing and that I really need to enjoy every moment, which I do.

That's all for tonight, being a Mommy is hard work! :)

I love you Parker!
Mommy

3.18.09

You slept in your big boy bed last night for about four hours! You were so good!

You're growing more and more each day... I put you in 3-6 month pjs tonight.

We had lunch with Melissa and MacKensie today- sushi, yum! You, of course, wanted to stay awake the whole time. I didn't know that a two month old could fight going to sleep but boy you do!

You are 'talking' more each day... you've perfected your 'goo' and we seem to be working on 'oohs' and 'aahs'. You're also trying to blow bubbles. This is such an exciting time!

I love you Parker!

Mommy

3.15.09

You laughed at me today- the first time I've seen you put a smile and a chuckle together. You had been sitting in your bouncy chair while I did dishes and washed your bottles. I looked over at you and had a feeling that you might have a dirty diaper. Not really thinking that you did I went to smell you- and you did, a big one. I pulled back and said, "Yuck!..." and then you laughed at me. It was sweet and hilarious all at once. I still can't believe you're growing and changing so much every day. Only eight weeks ago you couldn't talk- coo really, even though I'm counting 'good' as your first word and you really got it last week... You didn't know how to smile, let alone laugh. It's amazing and I'm so proud of you!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

p.s. I was wearing a shirt that said Jai t'aime this morning and you were completely wowed hearing french... I wish I'd have paid better attention in French class. hahahha!

3.14.09

In one month from today your Daddy and I will be married for two years. Who knew that we'd have you now- Your Dad never wanted to get married and I thought I never wanted to have a baby. Boy were we both wrong! I don't know if we've ever been happeir now....

My friend Melissa came over today and brought her daughter, MacKensie- we joke that you'll be boyfriend and girlfriend. I hope that you two will be close growing up.

I'll write more tomorrow- You're hungry!

I love you Parker!
Mommy

3.13.09

Today you're two months old. I can't believe you've been with us this long but at the same time, it feels like you've always been around.

You got your first real round of vaccinations today. You were a champ! You barely even cried and you didn't even really fuss until about an hour before bedtime. I'm hoping you'll sleep well tonightl.

We're still trying to figure out how to get you to be comfortable in your own bed. Whenever you decide to have kids, don't ever say that they'll never sleep in your bed. It's no good to have to eat your words. We love having you so close but it's time you moved to your big boy bed. Oh we'll figure it out eventually. :)

I love you Parker,
Mommy

3.12.09

There's nothing more wonderful than to watch your eyes close and feel you relax into me as you fall asleep.

Today you really talked for the first time. You've smiled for a while now and you've been cooing for about two weeks. But today was different. You talked back and forth with me for about five minutes. You'd make sounds and I'd reply with words I thought matched your tone. It made me feel like a great mom. I love those moments-where I feel like what I'm doing is right.

I bought this journal not long after I found out I was pregnant with you, but I was scared to write because the last journal I started to a baby ended up with my having to write a goodbye letter. So I've been scared silent until now.

But you are here and the most wonderful dream come true so I'll try my best to keep here a record of our days together.

I love you Parker,

Mommy

Introduction

Realizing that my son, Parker, is growing up in the age of information, I've decided to commit my handwritten journal to electronic memory. Either way, he'll get to it eventually.
And so we begin....