I was riding in my car this afternoon a little high on the changing of seasons. I was singing to my favorite Patty Griffin songs and I remembered a dream I used to have- to sing. When I sing I feel like my soul is free from all the worries and stresses of the day to day. I feel pure and whole. There was a time I 'thought' I was going to have the opportunity to do it as a job. A side job, once a week. But just the idea that I was good enough for someone to offer that to me was amazing.
I think about you and what I thought I could do and they aren't the same. In order for me to have you and be the mother I want to be, I can't sing as a job. And for a minute I was sad about it... Until I thought about what I have now. I have you. And when I think back to as early as I can remember wanting something, I wanted you. A child. My child.
So we'll sing together. You'll learn all the words to the songs I love and all the ones your Daddy loves and we'll all sing together.
I'll have the best of both worlds. Singing and my son. It will be perfect.
I love you Parker!