Thursday, September 24, 2009


Today is your Grandaddy's 61st birthday. He loves you so much and is so proud of you! I hope that you get to have him and your Grandmama around as long as I've had mine.

That little tooth of yours is coming in more and more each day. It's slow but making progress! Yay!

Now for the serious stuff... You have changed me. Having you in my life has filled a hole I don't think I even knew I had. Before you I was angry a lot. And I thought that was just how I was. I was loud and rash... And mean at times. I hurt people I cared about and made choices that were so less than right.

 People around me have noticed the way you've changed me even. I'm more calm and understanding and something I never was before- forgiving. Having you in my life has changed the way I look at the world. I'm still loud, that will never change, but I laugh loudly now instead of yelling loudly.

 I could have never come to the person I am now without you in my life. I want to say Thank You.

Thank you for picking me to be your Mommy. Thank you for being a sweet, silly, loving little boy. Thank you for being stubborn and giving me a dose of my own medicine. Thank you for being you.

As always, I am so proud of you. I am so grateful to have you in my life. You've made me a better person, a better wife to your Daddy, and I think, a better Mom than I thought I could be.

I love you Parker!


I've finally pressured your father into writing to you. You need to know how he feels... And how proud he is of you.

I'm going to try my best to keep him writing. I think it will be an amazing gift from him, especially because he works a lot.

You're rolling around a lot!!! You're trying to crawl, though you go backwards a good deal. You're making such progress!

I tried enforcing naps in your bed today. It did not go well. It's my fault that I've let this go on so long so I have to deal with the fact that you don't understand.

We will get it though, and when we do, it will be great for the both of us.

I love you so much it's hard to catch my breath some days.

I love you Parker!


That little tooth is working so hard to come in. I think in a couple of days it will be all the way through.

You're saying 'mama' a lot now. I love it!! On the whole you are really babbling tons. And you've started blowing bubbles again.

We're still working on crawling. You're doing so well! You roll side to side a lot and you're getting up on your knees some.

I'm so proud of you!! Great job P!

I love you Parker!


We have an exciting development... You're getting your first tooth!!! It broke through yesterday. Well, we got up and you had it. We can almost see it today. I can see it but your Daddy was just barely able to make it out this evening.

This comes with mixed feelings, like with every other first, I'm so excited but at the same time a part of me begs you to slow down. I think this is something I'll feel with every thing you do.

You're working really hard on crawling. Getting up on your knees a lot and even going backwards sometimes. Again, I'm excited but realize how quickly time is passing.

Oh, I forgot to say which tooth! Your bottom right one is coming in. You're being a champ! Still sleeping through the night.

I love you Parker!

Saturday, September 19, 2009


You're reaching out for people now. Showing your preference for people. You've moved from saying 'dada' to 'nana'...

Your Grandmama doesn't want to be called 'nana' so I'm hoping you're just replacing the 'm' with 'n'.

You're starting to learn how to crawl. I took some awesome video today! YAY!

Still no teeth yet. I've given up on that. Hopefully you'll have some by the time you start school. :)

I've re-introduced solids at bedtime and you seem to be doing well. When you're crawling you can go back to three meals a day.

I love you Parker!


You, my little tiny dream, are eight months old! I feel like time is slipping through my fingers like sand. It's all moving so quickly now. At first the days were so long, spent wondering how long you were going to sleep, when would you want to eat next, when was this dream going to come to some painful end...

The whole time I carried you, I waited for the other shoe to drop... For it to end in the cruel joke my last pregnancy had. And then you were actually born. I was in disbelief- I acutally had a baby? The thing that I've wanted my whole life had actually come to fruition?

When we brought you home, I waited for the call- you weren't mine, something terrible...

You're here! Still! And you're growing and becoming more amazing every day! I have finally breathed that sigh of relief I've so waited for...

You're almost a year old- you still have time but every day feels shorter. It's hard to explain... As you grow up some things will seem to take an eternity to you- waiting for Christmas, a year of school. But when you look back it will all have passed in the blink of an eye.

I love you so very much, SO VERY MUCH. I am proud of you every day- even the day you scared us all and refused to eat. I will be proud of you on your first day of school and you don't want anyone to see me kiss you with tears in my eyes. I will be proud of you on the day you say you hate me and that I don't understand... I will always be proud of you. I will always stand behind you and I will always strive to be the best mother to you and to be a better person for you.

I love you Parker!

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Today was so much better in terms of your eating. I promised you this morning if you'd take all of your bottles without complaint, I'd give you a tiny bit of cereal at bedtime. You held up your end of the deal beautifully. You even ate plain cereal without fussing. And THEN drank six full ounces of formula! Way to go P!

I didn't start naps in your room today because I wanted the focus to be on your eating. I was really torn about that decision but I felt like I made the right one.

Daddy will be home with us tomorrow so there's no turning back. I hate that I let my wants come before your needs for so long but tomorrow we begin to change that.

Tomorrow will be hard but we've gotten through all the previous hard days. I'm excited to see the day that naps aren't all I talk about.

I'm making this change because I love you, know that.

I love you Parker!


Today is a terrible day in America's history. When you're older we'll talk about it.

You must have felt it... you had a horrible day. You refused to eat and ended up having to go to the doctor.

I hope tomorrow is better.

I love you Parker!


I had your 'Aunt Molly' cut my hair tonight. I hope it doesn't upset you... It's so much shorter that you've ever seen.

You are really not liking not having your cereal at beditme. I know it upsets you but it's something we have to do- your formula is more important right now. I'm thinking about starting to give you a tiny bit at bedtime this weekend... we'll see.

I'm nervous about Saturday. It's going to be a long, hard day for the both of us but we can do it. It's time for you to nap in your bed. Thankfully, Daddy will be home on Sunday so I don't lose my resolve.

This is the best for all of us, you have to understand that. It is going to help you be stronger and more independent. Things you'll need when you're bigger.

I love you Parker!


Your Daddy did bedtime tonight. It did NOT go well. I think you might have been overtired. A situation that would have been okay if I was here but with your regular routine disrupted by having someone else do it was just too much... I went to see a friend who had a baby yesterday in the hospital.

I have some rather distressing news for you... Saturday is THE DAY. I'm putting you in your room for naps and we're not looking back. It will be difficult but we'll get through it. You need time away from me and I need time away from you. This does not mean in any way I love you any less. I love you enough to finally come to terms with the fact that this just isn't workng anymore. I'm nervous but determined.

You are amazing and resilliant, this will work.

I love you Parker!


I'm trying to talk your Daddy into writing to you. He's scared. He's worried that he won't have enough to talk about. I think I have him almost won. :)

I'm frustrated today. I'm angry at this world... there are so many people out there selling hate and trying to divide people it's just silly.

I'll talk more about it tomorrow...

I love you Parker!


We took you to the zoo for the first time today. You seemed to enjoy it, you took a little nap while we were there. I took lots of pictures of the animals for you.

You're refusing formula more and more. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow, again. I can't let you go to just food yet, you're not ready. You still NEED your formula. So I'm hoping they won't make us come in but they can tell me what to do.

Naps. Naps. Naps. I'm not even going to bring it up tonight.

I love you Parker!


You're almost eight months old. Again, I can't believe how big you're getting. Your Grandaddy weighed you the other day- over 21 pounds!

We're having a problem though, you don't want your bottles anymore. You still have four months more on formula. I'm not willing to let you give that up yet.

I think I might be ready to start naps in your bed with you. I'm going to make your Daddy help me through the first two days though.

I promise it's not that I don't love you- it's like having you sleep in your bed at night. You NEED to learn how to do this. It'll only be scary for a minute.

I love you Parker!


So the bad days are over and I can focus on the three of us again. You've perfected your 'dada' and now it's become 'dede' sometimes. So cute! Eventually you'll say 'mama'. Probably by the time you're ten or so. I don't think you're ever going to get your teeth either!

I was so convinced it was happening on vacation. You're refusing formula a lot now but your gums aren't swollen anymore. You're even drooling less! You're fussy more but that's it.

Your 'Aunt Kristen' is coming in day after tomorrow. I'm pretty excited.

That's it for today.

I love you Parker!